I attended a Masterclass on “How to Win at Work” by Professor Jeffrey Pfeffer, who teaches Organizational Behaviour at Stanford University.
One part of his lecture caught my attention.
He said it’s appropriate to show anger, even to bosses, especially the boss is a bully.
He added, “Modulate your emotional response to the emotional response of the person you’re dealing with.”
So when you feel bullied at work, make it clear you’re not accepting that behaviour. Let the person know you’re unhappy about it.
If you need to show a little anger, that’s okay.
You need to stand up for yourself.
But I also understand, many people freeze or stay silent because they want to avoid conflict.
Here are ways to stand up for yourself without being aggressive:
💡 Keep our voice calm, steady, and professional. This assertively sets a boundary without hostility:
💬 “I don’t appreciate being spoken to like this. Can we continue this discussion more respectfully?”
💡 Speak neutrally with minimal emotion. This makes the other person aware of their action:
💬 “That comment felt inappropriate. Please don’t repeat it.”
💡 Use a curious, measured tone. This disrupts the bully’s rhythm and reframes the conversation:
💬 “Can you explain why you’re raising your voice? I’d like us to find a solution.”
And if all fails, escalate if needed.
💡 Speak firmly and confidently without sounding aggressive. This signals we’re willing to stand our ground and there will be accountability.
💬 “I’d like to continue this discussion with HR present to ensure fairness.”
If we don’t want to walk over like a doormat, we need to stop behaving like one.
Respect starts with how much we respect ourselves.
Gitu.
xoxoxo, AuntyHR
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